Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
