I hate your face
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
