Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Success! We fucked roommates!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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