They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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