Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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