Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
