Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
