Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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