The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
