She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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