THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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