saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
