we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
