Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
