Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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