I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
