my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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