Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
