first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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