I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I could make wine with my vomit
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
