Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
