I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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