Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
