Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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