so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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