At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
