I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
