I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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