took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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