That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
