I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
