I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
