he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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