Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Your penis caused this!
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