he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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