I look better un-naked...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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