I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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