God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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