I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
