I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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