She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
