he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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