Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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