why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
