I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
