I could have mohawked her pubes.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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