Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize