Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
