her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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