ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
