At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
