Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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