I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
