is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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