i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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