i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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