I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
