You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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