Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
