Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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