i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
