Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
