Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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