no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
