he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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