Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
