I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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