Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
