You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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